i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sex in the backyard? Check.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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