It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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