Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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