Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
