Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
