Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
