do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
