I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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