Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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