I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
