I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
