How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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