Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
