I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
