If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
