the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
