I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
