you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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