sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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