I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize