I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
