billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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