there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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