I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
my liver is dry heaving
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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