K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
