I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
