Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
