So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize