dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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