i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
