i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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