I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
