You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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