Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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