ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
