Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
