You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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