I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
