It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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