She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You ate ashes out of my bong
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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