So drunk its hurt
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
