Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
