The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
