When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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