How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
