Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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