my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
