their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
