So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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