Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
