I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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