Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just puked most of my soul out..
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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