I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
