He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
