Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Oh god it's open bar.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
