Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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