Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
