The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
