stop calling my apartment porn island.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize