I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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