I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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