going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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