it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
