He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Congratulations! We have a period
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
