The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Bring me that man meat
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
