goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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