forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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