The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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